Relationships, and Happiness.

by Kelvin Tan | Nov 14, 2015 | 3790 views

It happens to the best of us. After countless relationships and friendships in your pursuit of a soul mate, or just someone you thought would be there for you; you’ve taken too many hits, you’re too tired, too emotionally drained.

You feel unwanted, unloved by a world that just passes by. You belong nowhere, no one cares. Your self-worth spirals down an abyss day by day until you are too tired to track how deep it went.

Tired, lost. And no one cares.

Well, I do. I’m here to tell you it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling because it’s what makes us human. I might even give you a pat on your back for your courage to love.

If negativity is still what you’re feeling right now, I’m glad I found you.

Once a friend told me:

“It’s okay to be emotional, just make sure that you’re not a pushover. There’s a difference.”

Since my earliest relationship, I thought love was just giving and doing things for that special someone or that group of special people until you could give no more. Their happiness ranked before yours. That was love to me.

Sure, it was beautiful: You felt a connection, an instant vibe with that special person, and the next thing you know your entire world revolves around him or her. Days, weeks before your next date, you start planning where to go, what food to have. You take notes of what she likes. What she doesn’t never ever appears in front of her.

You make sure of that.

She invades your mind with every thought, action, and breath. She demolishes the walls you spent so long building up from the one that came before her. She steals your heart. Knowingly or not, you’ve put in feelings, you felt “emotionally attached”. You went all in for that mirage of a future with her/him that you saw.


Then it happens.


Whether to you it went out like a slow, long burning candle, or like fireworks bursting brilliantly and dying instantly; it ends.

The person leaves a gasping void. You're strangers once more. Your heart falls into a million tiny bits.

I exaggerate, but you get the picture.

We have all, at some point in time, been there. Hey, if it hasn’t happened for you, good for you! But if it has, here’s the problem: When you put in so much time and attention into someone you lose sight of someone more important.

Yup you guessed it. Yourself.

When the wind blows the wool off your eyes and your rational mind takes back control, why base your happiness, your own happiness, on others, people you totally have no control over?

In your quest to make someone else happy, you lose control of your own happiness, my friend. Time to take it back.

Do whatever makes you happy (As long as no one gets hurt and it isn’t illegal). Go out with friends, make new ones. Explore new places, pick up new hobbies. For once do things that make you happy. Not for anyone but you. Don’t let your world revolve around a person.


Start by snapping out of social media


For one, you’re not Santa Claus. It’s not your job to take full detailed notes with picture illustrations of who has been naughty or nice (Yes Instagram and Snapchat I’m looking at you). Don’t make it yours. So keep less track of what others are doing and start living your life.

Let’s be honest. Being human, we self-glorify. When we’re living an awesome life, we like people to know the fun we’re having And that’s okay.

It becomes unhealthy when it becomes a competition, where we put our self-esteem on the line. We unconsciously start to compare who’s doing cooler stuff, who is getting more likes, who’s getting more followers, or perhaps you find out about that party that everyone else was invited to but you. We all know what happens after.

So use it occasionally, and spend more time building relationships in real life.

Let the CIA do their job; live your life to the fullest, deal?


If you haven't travelled, you haven't lived.

Read this amazing article on traveling.

Right now, everything surrounding you could be negativity and bad thoughts. So just drop that mental-emotional baggage and go. Fly to a new place. Meet new people and see new things. Soon you’ll realize that the world is much bigger than the sadness you trap yourself in. In comparison to the humongous world you have yet to see, your troubles would seem so small.


Find yourself again, grow.


It all boils down to what you gave up for the happiness of someone who was truly never meant to be yours.

‘Re-meet’ yourself for the first time. Who were you before bad memories and thoughts of her/him at 4am in the morning came along? A cheerful and happier person, that’s for sure. What made you happy? What do you like to do? Set goals, form beliefs and set standards. If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

Plan for your own future. I’m assuming here, but I don’t think you’re dying anytime soon. You still have a long way to go, many years to live, many better people to meet. Pick up a new skill, a new hobby, a third language, anything! Be someone you would be proud of. For you

Understand that what you’re going through is just a phase in life. How long you’re in this phase depends entirely on you. Fully commit to yourself and believe you’ll get through; you will. Learn, grow, overcome. It is through the bad that we can appreciate the good; meeting the wrong person develops our eye for the right one.  So the next time when you meet someone or something that even slightly resembles what you went through and how it made you feel, get the hell out of there.

I got you buddy. And you got this too. It’s all going to be okay.

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