Mirrors Sue Cameras Over Stolen Jobs

by Jerrold Soh | Jul 21, 2013 | 2397 views

YET ANOTHER disgruntled victim of recent technological developments has turned to the courtroom to protect its fast diminishing share of the Human Use pie.

Citing numerous and increasing incidences of Cameras being used by humans to inspect themselves, Mirrors have pressed several charges on the former, including commercial fraud, impersonation, and assisting in acts of excess vanity without a proper license.

"For thousands of years, we were Used by the Humans to ensure their hair was at the optimum angle, put on makeup on the Train, or simply admire themselves," they reflected, "but then the Cameras came, and all our jobs were gone in a flash. We were built for this purpose, but they weren’t. We have no choice, but they do. This is unacceptable."

In their defence, the Cameras’ attorney pointed out how “it was not the specific intent of (the Cameras) to displace the Mirrors’ jobs." He also mentioned that action should instead be taken on Phones, if not on the Humans who actually used the Cameras for what he referred to as "unintended purposes alien to a Camera's intrinsic nature."

Other points of contention include the Cameras arguing that only a select type of theirs has been involved in this overlap of destinies. Contesting this point, though, was evidence submitted by the Mirrors of DSLRs being used for self-photography.

When questioned how they managed to procure the above evidence, the Mirrors simply responded “#selfie.”

The view from the other side.


At the same time, Cameras have revealed their shock and disappointment on the breaking down of what was once a harmonious and mutually dependent relationship.

As cameras are still heavily reliant on Mirrors for redirecting Flashes and streaming light, this deterioration of ties threatens to deliver numerous negatives.

Currently, Single Lens Reflex (SLR) Cameras employ many Mirrors to help them channel light from the Aperture into the Viewfinder, allowing the User to see exactly what the Camera sees. Without the support of the Mirrors, SLRs may not be able to deliver on their promise of What-You-See-Is-What-You-Get.

 “Well I’ll be f-stopped. It’s as good as blackmail!” said a more outspoken SLR, “they know we can’t do without them, so they’re hoping to get something out of it. I, for one, see right through them.”

When probed further about how he believed the case would go, the Camera said, “I’m not sure myself. I ain't got the big picture, but I think we have a shot.”

A larger shift in perspective?

This civil action comes in the wake of a similar case heard months ago in which Makeup sued Instagram for misleading people into believing they looked good even when they did not. In that incident, however, the judge ruled that there was no actual case to answer, for the points raised were mostly made up.

He referred to the case as, “a whole lot of smoke and powder masking a commercial enmity that the courts have no business with.”

This sets a dim precedence for the Mirrors’ case, as it too is in danger of being labeled a virtual illusion, and nothing more.

Hearts shattered.

As the legal battle rages on, Mirrors continue to see their quarterly Uses fall. Those most affected include the once extremely popular Foldable Handheld Mirror – used widely in the heydays of Rouge and Blusher.

When contacted, their Headmirror told The Owl that many of them were now considering alternative employment options.

“Some have been applying for openings in apparel boutiques, after hearing how Humans have continued to use them despite of, and even in conjunction with Cameras. Others more disillusioned with the future of our more refractive species, however, have revealed intentions to repurpose themselves into Glass – particularly of the Gorilla genus.”

He also added, “For me, being a Mirror is the only thing I can see myself doing.”

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