Articles tagged under satire:

More Adults Getting Tuition...For Themselves.

OWL NEWS, 25 SEP, 2035:  Adult Tuition. It’s not the latest pornographic fetish, nor does it have anything remotely to do with this year’s bestseller, Ninety Shades Of Twilight. Instead, Adult Tuition refers to the fast growing industry offering specialized, personalized help to working adults for their daily 8-7. It works like conventional tuition. A self-proclaimed expert is engaged, often through private arrangements, to provide scheduled, pay-by-hour assistance improving work performance. A recent survey by the Tomorrowland Ministry of Everlasting Education and Work (MEEW) suggests as many as 3 of 5 working adults have considered or are already receiving tuition. The same survey highlighted work stress, peer-pressure, and self-perceived incompetence as key reasons behind Adult Tuition’s increasing popularity. Increasing Competitiveness Employees are feeling the heat. When interviewed, Mr Seow Ong, a mid-level employee at a local SME, noted that tuition for work is fast becoming the only means to job excellence. “The entire industry is so competitive now. Everyone is either taking this tuition or that tuition. If I want to do well, I need to keep up with the rest, otherwise I will do badly, and my year-end bonus and promotion will be threatened”, he said. Although there is no evidence to suggest Adult Tuition actually boosts productivity or holds any benefits whatsoever for Tomorrowland’s economy, competitiveness for its own sake is not always bad. Just last year, Tomorrowland moved up seven ranks to take the top spot on Statistics International's Global Competitiveness Survey. Ms Sylver Poon, a fresh grad who recently secured a job at a prestigious conglomerate, was appalled at apparent profiteering in the Adult Tuition industry. However, she reluctantly disclosed that she was herself receiving tuition from a premium tuition agency. “These people are obviously over-pricing their services. Really very expensive you know. But since young my parents have always arranged a whole list of tuitions for me, and I really benefitted from it. Without tuitions, I could not have gotten where I am now.  When I didn’t have tuitions anymore, I didn’t know what to do. That’s why I decided to engage P. Rada Tutors to help me achieve success.” “Yea, they are expensive, but I can afford it. If I get those LC tuition agencies every time we talk about our tutors at the office I very malu one leh,” she also said. Owl News believes LC refers to ‘low-cost’. Learning Beyond The Workplace The number of Adult Tuition agencies like P. Rada has been steadily increasing in response to growing demand for mature professional help. Many of these enterprises, like P. Rada, have names targeted at the adult demographic. “We believall employees, even CEOs, have unlimited potential. And this potential should be maximized through intensive, extensive and expensive tuition. Even if they are already making millions a year, they can always work harder and make more,” said Mr Oh Poh Choon, CEO of Bieber Consultants. “That’s why me and my BBCTers offer a wide range of integrated and holistic courses to really make sure each and every employee can one day become a CEO like me”. When asked further how that was possible when every company only has one CEO, Mr Oh said there are also CFOs and COOs around. Popular courses offered by BBCT include Dealing With Office Politics, How To Get To Work On Time, and this reporter’s personal favourite, Making Lunch Hour Count. Indeed, these lessons are not what conventional classrooms or workplaces can offer. Administrative Concerns When contacted, the MEEW spokesperson (who declined to be named) revealed that the Ministry was concerned with this budding industry. “We are looking closely at this because many adults are scheduling tuition on weekends. According to Ministry guidelines, tuition is technically also work. So this is not right because we have the five day work week. Adults should not need to work on weekends. Weekends are for family time. Adults should have their weekend free to spend with their children, who do not have to go to school on these days”. Love it or hate it, Adult Tuition is fast establishing a foothold in Tomorrowland, a nation long used to education being expensive, exclusive and esoteric (just like this word). Since it’s here to stay, you might want to get a tutor soon, before you’re left far, far behind. In case you were wondering, the above article is fictitious. (Thankfully) Tomorrowland does not exist, and neither do the people, organisations or events mentioned above.

I Know Why The Wild Crow Squawks

Author's note: Because I am inevitably a sucker for the literary, I wrote this originally in a far more difficult to understand and maybe even counter-intuitive style, before deciding to do the world a favour and introduce some proper paragraphing. But because it is substantially different in meaning and delivery, and because I like the previous version so much, I've added it at the bottom of the page for those who, like me, are slightly insane. A crow perched next to another on a tree branch turns to the other and begins: I just don’t get it. Get what? says the other crow. The unfairness, the discrimination, the humans. What unfairness? the other crow remarks, barely suppressing a smile. Don’t you think it’s a whole lot of injustice how we’re treated like pests and vermin? I mean, we don’t spread diseases or make people’s lives lousy in any way, we’re just living our lives and trying to get by on leftover food. And we have to face all of that dislike and hate…I just don’t get it. Everything has a reason, says the other crow. We do indeed have quite the reputation for making things dirty. Well, they’re not exactly cleaning up the planet either. Still, you can’t deny our droppings have been clinically proven to carry bacteria and effect meningitis. Show me droppings that are clean, says the crow. That does not matter. It’s what people think. That’s not true at all, I’m sure you know only some of us do it irresponsibly. Some? Well I don’t. I’m afraid, though, that what you do doesn’t stand for your entire species. But what my species does doesn’t stand for me. The truth is, though, that the truth doesn’t matter. Only what people see does. Does it? says the crow. Then show me a bird that’s potty trained. Well you’ll be surprised. Some of the birds in the aviaries are proficient at controlling and directing their rectal outputs. Aviaries? You know, bird parks? And why should those birds be in parks and taught manners when we’re not? Why should they be admired, photographed and fed? Well…we’re not exactly a gorgeous species. Why…because we’re black? They don’t even discriminate against their own dark skinned people any more why do they still hate us? You’re not making any sense. There’s no way we can compete with the canaries with their sweet voices and the exotic and beautiful flamingoes, said the other crow, even their names sound better. Then we should change our names entirely if that’s what matters - how about Corvus? That won’t make us any more beautiful. Well isn’t beauty in the eye of the beholder? Yes but human eyes are human eyes. And isn’t beauty only skin deep? Eyes aren’t X-rays my dear. It’s a wonder if they can even see beyond clothes. Then what’s the point of those proverbs if there’s really only one way of seeing things? Well, in this case, ‘beholder’ would refer to the set of all humans, and substituting that definition for the group referred back into the saying allows it to continue functioning – at least semantically. Okay…I can’t argue with that logic, but surely we have something that makes us special right…every birdy’s special! Like what? For one, said the crow proudly, we’ve got one of the highest IQs for birds. The use is that when all it does is make you conceive such meaningless thoughts over things that matter little and serve only to make you feel miserable? But isn’t there a value in thinking and being right? Not when everyone still hates you. Anyway, better not to know people hate you since you can’t change one bit of it. Ignorance, feigned or actual, is, after all, the only path to bliss. But…but thinking about it is supposed to help you change that! Has your thinking helped? No, but that doesn’t mean it’s no good. Doesn’t it? says the other crow. Don’t throw my questions back at me, says the crow. I am merely doing it to show you how your argument is invalid, says the other. Well all I’m trying to say is it’s unfair how it’s like this just because we’re not brightly coloured or pleasant sounding. Even some black birds are admired, you know, they wrote a whole poem about the ravens. Well that one wasn’t very flattering. It wasn’t but it meant something because the raven was black enough and happened to be gently rapping at the right time - you know how they like rapping. You mean to say we aren’t even black enough? asks the other crow, slightly perturbed. Do you see how ridiculous that is now, said the crow, even the pigeons have a purpose. What’s that? They’re eaten. Oh that’s not very good is it? Being eaten is better than being nothing, never more. I guess we’re just born crows so accept it. That still doesn’t mean we should be hated - you shouldn’t judge a bird for what it cannot choose right? That only applies to humans. What about animal rights? You only give animal rights with no humans left. But don’t you think there’s something wrong with this…injustice? Unfairness? Says the crow. Well maybe, but what I think isn’t going to change things, so I’d rather choose not to care, think, or feel. Doing those things take effort. But it’s about our entire species! The entire species doesn’t stand for me. Doesn’t it? says the crow. Take a look around you and tell me if it does…try to make some sense will you, the other crow says as it begins pecking on a piece of bread it had been holding in its left foot. Things don’t always have to be logical. I just have a strong feeling that this is all wrong and unfair. And why should you care? Because they’re hating us for no reason. Doesn’t matter if we still get fed. How about when they start shooting at us sometimes? Well you haven’t been shot have you? And those who have? Presently the other crow empties its bowels squarely down below and flies off, saying, Caring isn’t curing. For the slightly less rational readers... One day a crow walks up to another and begins: I just don’t get it. Get what? Says the other crow. The unfairness, the discrimination, the humans. What unfairness the other crow remarks. Don’t you think it’s a whole lot of injustice how we’re treated like pests and vermin I mean we don’t spread diseases or make people’s lives miserable in any way we’re just living our lives and trying to get by living on leftover food and we have to face all of that dislike and hate. Everything has a reason says the other crow we tend to leave droppings all over the place and they cause meningitis. Show me droppings that are clean says the crow. I mean why they dislike us is because we have a reputation for making things dirty. Well they’re not exactly cleaning up the planet either. It doesn’t matter it’s what people think of us. That’s not true at all I’m sure you know only some of us defecate irresponsibly. Some? Well I don’t. What you do doesn’t stand for your entire species. But what my species does doesn’t stand for me. That might be true but the truth is though that the truth doesn’t matter only what people see does. Does it? Says the crow. Show me a bird that’s potty trained the crow continues. Well you’ll be surprised I think some of the birds in the aviaries do know when and where to go. And why should those birds be in aviaries and taught manners when we’re not why should they be admired photographed and fed? Well…we’re not exactly a beautiful species. Why because we’re black they don’t even discriminate against their own dark skinned people any more why do they still hate us? You’re not making any sense there’s no way we can compete with the canaries with their sweet voices and the exotic and beautiful flamingoes said the other crow even their names sound better. Then we should change our names entirely if that’s what matters how about Corvus? That won’t make us any more beautiful. Well isn’t beauty in the eye of the beholder? Yes but human eyes are human eyes. Beauty is only skin deep. Eyes aren’t X-rays. Then what’s the point of those proverbs if there’s really only one way of seeing things. Well it works if you define beholder as the entire group of humans. Okay I can’t argue with that but surely we have something that makes us special right every birdy’s special. Like what? For one, said the crow proudly, we’re at the top of the avian IQ scale. The use is that when all it does is make you think such meaningless thoughts over things that don’t matter and make you feel bad. But isn’t there value in thinking and being right? Not when everyone still hates you anyway it’s better to not know people hate you since you can’t change any of it. But…but thinking about it is supposed to help you change that! Has your thinking helped? No, but that doesn’t mean it’s no good. Doesn’t it? Says the other crow. Stop throwing my questions back at me says the crow. I’m just doing it to show you how you’re not making any sense says the other. Well all I’m trying to say is it’s unfair how it’s like this just because we’re not brightly coloured or pleasant sounding even some black birds are admired you know they wrote a whole poem about the ravens. Well that one wasn’t very flattering. It wasn’t but it meant something because the raven was black enough and happened to be gently rapping at the right time you know how they like rapping. So you mean we aren’t even black enough? Says the other crow. Do you see how ridiculous that is now said the crow even the pigeons have a purpose. What’s that? They’re eaten. Oh that’s not very good is it? Being eaten is better than being nothing, never more. We’re just born as crows so accept it. That still doesn’t mean we should be marginalized I mean you shouldn’t judge a bird for what it cannot choose right? That only applies to humans. What about animal rights. You only give animal rights with no humans left. But don’t you think there’s something wrong with this…injustice? Unfairness? Says the crow. Well maybe, but what I think or feel isn’t going to change things so I’d rather choose not to care think or feel doing those things take effort. It’s about our entire species! The entire species doesn’t stand for me. Doesn’t it? Says the crow. Take a look around you and tell me if it does…try to make some sense will you the other crow says as it begins pecking on a piece of bread. Things don’t always have to be logical I just have a strong feeling that this is all wrong and unfair. And why should you care? Because they’re hating us for no reason. Doesn’t matter we still get fed. How about when they start shooting at us sometimes? Well you haven’t been shot have you? And those who have? Presently the other crow empties its bowels squarely down below and flies off saying, Caring isn’t Curing. (with some apologies to Maya Angelou)

Mirrors Sue Cameras Over Stolen Jobs

YET ANOTHER disgruntled victim of recent technological developments has turned to the courtroom to protect its fast diminishing share of the Human Use pie. Citing numerous and increasing incidences of Cameras being used by humans to inspect themselves, Mirrors have pressed several charges on the former, including commercial fraud, impersonation, and assisting in acts of excess vanity without a proper license. "For thousands of years, we were Used by the Humans to ensure their hair was at the optimum angle, put on makeup on the Train, or simply admire themselves," they reflected, "but then the Cameras came, and all our jobs were gone in a flash. We were built for this purpose, but they weren’t. We have no choice, but they do. This is unacceptable." In their defence, the Cameras’ attorney pointed out how “it was not the specific intent of (the Cameras) to displace the Mirrors’ jobs." He also mentioned that action should instead be taken on Phones, if not on the Humans who actually used the Cameras for what he referred to as "unintended purposes alien to a Camera's intrinsic nature." Other points of contention include the Cameras arguing that only a select type of theirs has been involved in this overlap of destinies. Contesting this point, though, was evidence submitted by the Mirrors of DSLRs being used for self-photography. When questioned how they managed to procure the above evidence, the Mirrors simply responded “#selfie.” The view from the other side. At the same time, Cameras have revealed their shock and disappointment on the breaking down of what was once a harmonious and mutually dependent relationship. As cameras are still heavily reliant on Mirrors for redirecting Flashes and streaming light, this deterioration of ties threatens to deliver numerous negatives. Currently, Single Lens Reflex (SLR) Cameras employ many Mirrors to help them channel light from the Aperture into the Viewfinder, allowing the User to see exactly what the Camera sees. Without the support of the Mirrors, SLRs may not be able to deliver on their promise of What-You-See-Is-What-You-Get.  “Well I’ll be f-stopped. It’s as good as blackmail!” said a more outspoken SLR, “they know we can’t do without them, so they’re hoping to get something out of it. I, for one, see right through them.” When probed further about how he believed the case would go, the Camera said, “I’m not sure myself. I ain't got the big picture, but I think we have a shot.” A larger shift in perspective? This civil action comes in the wake of a similar case heard months ago in which Makeup sued Instagram for misleading people into believing they looked good even when they did not. In that incident, however, the judge ruled that there was no actual case to answer, for the points raised were mostly made up. He referred to the case as, “a whole lot of smoke and powder masking a commercial enmity that the courts have no business with.” This sets a dim precedence for the Mirrors’ case, as it too is in danger of being labeled a virtual illusion, and nothing more. Hearts shattered. As the legal battle rages on, Mirrors continue to see their quarterly Uses fall. Those most affected include the once extremely popular Foldable Handheld Mirror – used widely in the heydays of Rouge and Blusher. When contacted, their Headmirror told The Owl that many of them were now considering alternative employment options. “Some have been applying for openings in apparel boutiques, after hearing how Humans have continued to use them despite of, and even in conjunction with Cameras. Others more disillusioned with the future of our more refractive species, however, have revealed intentions to repurpose themselves into Glass – particularly of the Gorilla genus.” He also added, “For me, being a Mirror is the only thing I can see myself doing.”

Underwear Aromas Blanket Entire Estate

A senior grandfather has gotten into a spat after blanketing his common corridor with foul-smelling underwear. The elder, whose name is unknown but is simply called “Ah Gong” by others, has been observed to change his underwear daily, as is common practice – but then simply strings his used undergarments up across the walkway instead of washing them. “I hardly sweat, so why waste water washing them?” Ah Gong explained. “Instead, I leave them outside to dry in the sun. That way, I also get to show off my expansive underwear collection. And nobody dares to steal them.” Ah Gong works at an Ayam Penyet stall, where he is in charge of rice quality. He admitted that he is a compulsive underwear hoarder. “It’s not what I want, it’s just my nature,” he added. Asked if he knew his actions were affecting his neighbours, he replied, “Some people grow plants along the corridor. I prefer to grow my underwear collection. What’s wrong with that? “Even Superman leaves his underwear outside all the time.” According to his neighbours in Hougang Block 67, this occurrence is not the first. Every year, Ah Gong has left his underwear hanging without fail, until sudden floods during the monsoon season washed them away each time. Now that the dry season is back, he is back to his usual ways. However, his neighbours say this year has been worse than usual thanks to Amazon’s newly-introduced free shipping to Singapore. Last week, a carton containing 125 pieces of Calvin Klein briefs was delivered to Ah Gong’s doorstep, much to the dismay of his neighbours. The stench has gotten so bad that even those living in the adjacent two blocks have been able to smell it. Ms. Joyce, who lives on the same floor as Ah Gong, said, “I felt breathless almost as soon as I stepped out of the door today." “The corridor is obscured with so much underwear, you can’t even see the lift from here anymore! Giordano, Hang Ten, Hush Puppies – you name it, he has it.” During a hurriedly-organised mediation session on Thursday at Ah Gong’s void deck, his neighbours offered to pool together $500 to pay for his laundry. However, he rejected the offer, rebutting, “If it is only five hundred dollars, I don’t need that. I might as well use that money to buy more fresh underwear from Amazon.” He further added that his colourful underwear has helped to brighten up his neighbourhood. “Our estate hasn’t been upgraded since 1997. My multi-coloured garments are the next best thing to a fresh coat of paint. Yet, my neighbours have never thanked me for the vitality that I contribute to the local atmosphere. They are all like that. We also haven’t settled their noisy mahjong, nor the terrible curry smell from their cooking, tak boleh tahan lah! They shouldn’t be like children, in such a tizzy.” One neighbour, Mr. Bala, seemed resigned to this annual occurrence. “If there's one good thing about this, it brings the estate together against a common cause each time.” Mr. Bala is not the only one still feeling optimistic about this incident. A check on a nearby Guardian found that its year’s stock of face masks had been snapped up. At last count, the number of underwear has reached a high of 371, although the actual value may be far higher. Residents are now discussing the possibility of reporting the matter to higher authorities. Until then, it seems nothing will compel Ah Gong to cease hanging his dirty laundry in public. Footnote: owlcove.sg is not actually a news site. This is not a real news item.

Quintuplet Rationales Justifying The Utilization Of Verbose Vocabulary.

It was appalling and indeed dreadful to peruse a previous submission entitled “Why You Shouldn't Ever Use Big Words.” Extrapolating epiphanies from this article, I opined it essential and in fact compulsive to provide a defence of the multifold and indeed enlightening usages of vocabulary frequently misconstrued as excessively bombastic and Herculean to comprehend. In truth, it is nearly always a wiser alternative to utilize a longer and thus stronger word over a shorter and thus weaker one. I append my quintuple rationales for this option in the following paragraphs: #1 – Polysyllabic vocabulary is additionally effectual. In our relentless pursuit for academic and linguistic excellence we are often confronted with the task of demonstrating our propositions in as convincing and persuasive a method as possible. And in the domain of persuasion and influencing thought, few words suffice as fittingly as those which exceed an arbitrary minimum of four syllabic units. Significantly, the continuous and conscious commitment to the contrived and complicated conforms completely to one of the wisest adages of argument which, unfortunately, is expressed in an overly simplistic way: If you cannot convince, then confuse. To put it sophisticatedly, if one ever, and when one inevitably, finds himself in a position in which a case one is charged with arguing for is lacking in evidence, logic, and other optional tenets of quality writing, it is possible and indeed recommended for one to gravitate towards these trustworthy lieutenants of multialphabetic origin to construct the concealment required to camouflage such aforementioned want of quality. As an additional meritorious enhancement, the ability to utilize words associated commonly with the bombastic is ubiquitously acknowledged as a mark of true intellect and loquacity. Despite arguments towards the contrary that the mere usage of sophisticated words in writing is inadequately indicative of similar complexity in thought, it must be noted that in any successful piece of persuasion there is no requirement to actually be intelligent – it is sufficient to appear to be so. Therefore and henceforth, it is not uncommon to observe that any writing conducted successfully in a consciously complicated manner convinces the reader of the notion that the writer of said literature must be clearly be remarkably thoughtful, and wins the allegiance of the reader’s thoughts even without making any substantial propositions. It is even not infrequently speculated that the integer value of the summation of the syllabic units one utilizes in any piece of writing possesses a positive if not proportionate correlation to the academic marks that one receives. Evidently and apparently it is unquestionably a wiser option to always resort to the verbose. What one lacks in quality is easily compensated by quantity. #2 – Continued employment of the verbose serves as invaluable experience and practice in sharpening one’s vocabulary and élan. It is simplistic and indeed naïve to perceive writing as an activity conducted merely for immediate purposes, and indubitably important to acknowledge that writing should also be carried out with due attention paid to the sustained development of the personal writing style in the extended scheme of time. It is evident, thus, that one must perennially attempt to summon powerful words in his writing – such that one gains critical insights and crucial familiarity into the methods and means to improve upon his own writing departments. Suppose one is content with simply utilizing the simple, and does not deem it necessary to conduct writing with the objective of employing the bombastic. Because there will seem never to be a requirement to use a longer word when a short one apparently fulfills the purpose, one may and indeed will never find it possible to progress upwards into the higher echelons of writing, which involve being comfortable and entirely conversant in the language of the upper classes, that is, words which, as previously highlighted, possess a minimum of four syllabic tenets. In summarization, it is imperative, when writing, to compel ourselves towards utilizing elongated words. This is the sole way of honing our writing faculties. #3 It is entirely easier to write in as indulgent and complicated a style as possible. Within a letter composed by the marvelous mathematician Blaise Pascal, a solitary line stands out as an indisputable case for the complicated. Concluding his composition, Pascal remarked how he “had wanted to write a shorter letter, but did not have the time”. There exists infinite wisdom within this exclamation, notably the appreciation of the indelible fact that in order to produce writing which is shorter and perhaps simpler, far greater effort and thought is required. Considered in tandem with the existing case we have observed thus far that simple writing has none of the benefits which consciously complicated writing possesses, it is clear how writing sophisticatedly promises major benefits at minor costs. In truth, there is, by now, an abyss of reasons to speak simply, owing to the fact that the aforementioned is an activity which requires more input and produces less output. It is an activity which requires such insignificant things as attempting to condense words into more palatable clauses and applying control on otherwise indulgently impactful vocabulary in the naïve belief that it is crucial to engineer your writing in a manner in which the target receiver is most probably able to understand. Catering to the ignorant is nothing except a waste of time, especially since if that receiver in question does not comprehend one’s words, it does not matter. He will either be bought over by one’s verbosity, or even if he is not, it is equally probabilistic that since he has not achieved a level from which he can comprehend your words, he would not be able to appreciate its true beauty even if he did’st. #4 – It is purely and pristinely logical to incessantly invoke intellectual vocabulary. A modest and yet unexpectedly apt argument towards the justification of the requirements for the ubiquitous occurrence of sophisticated language is merely thus: If there remain no purposes for the existence of such words, why do they occur in the first place? Surely it is not insurmountable to perceive that the very fact that verbosity lives, or indeed, thrives, in our environment, is due to its outstanding applicability and usefulness to our species. As such it is only logical that we employ and exploit them generously. Reinforcing the logicality of this assertion are various other instances in which the argument of pure existence has been successfully submitted in the defence of an otherwise disadvantaged situation. For instance and example, if guns are not meant to be owned by everyone, why do they exist? If money is not meant to be spent, why does it exist? If drugs are not meant to be consumed, rules not meant to be broken and other people meant to be taken advantage of, why do they exist? In all of these cases, it has consistently been proven that such existential reasoning, or specifically, that the existence of the latter justifies the former action, operates flawlessly. And applying such impervious logic to the regime of conversationalisation is nothing but the next logical and intuitive step. #5 – The procedure of writing in an overly saturated manner successfully fulfills most occupational and academic requirements with utmost rapidity. Herein lies the most vital and integral need for the verbose: In any situation whereby the act of writing is required, it is almost always the case that the purpose of such writing is for an employer or an educational facilitator. In this area it is clearly advantageous to write in the bombastic, because one key characteristic of such a writing technique is that it accredits one the ability to utilize a far greater number of words to express any individual concept, whereas one who writes in a simple style would be coerced to merely append a few words at maximum. Coupled then with the fortunate situation whereby multisyllabic words tend also to comprise more characters and are thus lengthier, we observe the undeniable fact that our preferred, consciously complicated conception of writing can aid us to absolutely fulfill the requisite restrictions in any given situation – regardless of whether it is in the production of a report that necessitates a minimum of 50 pages to demonstrate that substantial effort has been poured within, or in the submission of a domestic assignment that is bundled with a mandatory 600 word limit. In long, there are minimally a quintuplet of compelling rationales underlying why one is recommended to frequently and faithfully undertake writing as a task that demands only the very most in terms of verbosity, prolixity, extravagance, indulgence, and syllabic components. As a general regulation circumvent words with any fewer than 4 syllabic units unless presented with no other option alternatives. Simultaneously, there is, at best, a feeble case for the utilization of the simple and thus simplistic, a view championed by this article’s predecessor on “why speak simply”, because not only is it illogical, but the marginal benefits of speaking simply far from justify the additional costs required. And as we have seen and as any intellectual academic will remark, if it is illogical, or if the benefits do not justify the costs, or both, then there is never a case to do something, because it is almost always certainly wrong.
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